It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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