Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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