dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
