I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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