he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
