The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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