Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
