i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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