she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
