we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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