She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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