Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
