Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Text me some of your sweat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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