In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
