Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
