Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
