theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
