i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why do cheetos always look like penises
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
