this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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