so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
