My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
