I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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