I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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