my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
