I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize