so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
