The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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