Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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