it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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