Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
