It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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