my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
