I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
