I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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