so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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