I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
