1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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