Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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