I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
