tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
