I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
