the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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