Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
