hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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