God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
