I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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