Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
