listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Damn victory sex feels great
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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