Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
