Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
