Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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