I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
