Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
