I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it because I queefed?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
