Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
