did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
