he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
