I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
