the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I need a burrito and a hug.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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