So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
