I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
