im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
