so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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