so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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